It sounds brave and fancy when you tell people that your motivations for the business are passion and love for fashion, chasing your dreams, etc. Here’s the truth, towards the end of my short career, I just couldn’t bear the thought of working anymore, so I left. While I have always dreamt of owning my own business and it was also one of the reasons why I started this, it was not one of the major push factors.
I didn’t hate my job completely. In fact, I loved it for a couple of years, because it helped me pay the bills, a couple of luxury bags, vacations and quaint afternoon teas. Being a young graduate, all I wanted to do was to climb up the corporate ladder and gain recognition. It took me five years to get to where I thought I wanted to be.
Here’s my timeline:
1st to 5th year – Same office
6th year – Snagged a promotion. Shiny new (small but cute) office, new swivel office chair, and even formulated plans to buy myself an expensive Nespresso coffee machine and a foot massager because I knew I was going to spend a lot of time in office. Thank heavens I didn’t move on to the latter two. Threw in the towel after four and a half months.
Here are the most common questions or statements (in my opinion, stupid-ass ones) you will hear from people:
“You should have given yourself more time to adjust to your new environment.”
“You could tell in four months that you wanted to leave? You need to give yourself at least a year.”
“It’s just a phase, you should have stayed.”
Uh no, it’s not just a phase. Do I look like a 13-year-old battling with developing boobies, emotions and acne? Although my boobies never quite reached their full potential, but I assure you, I’m 29 years old.
Let’s change the job to your first date instead. Will your advice still be the same? If the dude’s an ass, you would be able to smell it miles away. Not literally, unless it’s your kinda gig. #notjudging
So why leave, aside from the fact that I didn’t really like what I was doing?
I will leave the gruesome details out due to obvious reasons.
To put it gently, the new position wasn’t my calling.
It’s easy to blame others and external factors for my failures and how I was feeling.
But really, I had lost respect for myself.
Sometimes, we were just a few F-bombs short of being verbally abused. The first time it happened, the negative thoughts lingered for a few days and I thought that I just needed to get used to such treatment. You just pick up the phone over a nice lunch of truffle pasta and fries and someone starts screaming at you, totally normal, happens to everyone right?
It happened a few times again after that, and everyday, I was just praying to get through the day without screwing up. Whenever my phone rang, I would freak out, bolt to my desk and scramble around for information. I could never sleep in peace on weekdays because I was on constant high alert.
I hated the people who put me through that, but most importantly, I hated myself for putting up with that shit.
The day that I decided I have had enough of that bullshit, I went home, feeling like I have made the best decision in the world, weight lifted off my shoulders and all. If I weren’t fat, I might have been able to float to heaven.
Not liking what I do has been a default setting for me. I have never liked anything other than traveling, fashion and geography (Yes, I was pretty good in plate tectonics, meanders, soil erosions, etc). I have always told myself that I don’t have to like what I do, I just need to be good at it. Actually, I still believe in that, if it earns you good bucks, why not? But when it starts to scramble with your brains and mess with your personal life, it’s time to ditch that bitch.
Do I love fashion? Yes. Do I love being able to create a my own brand? Yes. Do I want to chase my dreams? Hell yeah! But no, starting Bambee the Brand was not as simple as “chasing my dreams”. I know that many people love hearing that, because it’s so inspirational and daring. But really, it was a combination of reasons such as hating life, my intolerable previous job, the fact that I’m 29 and haven’t done anything that I really enjoy and of course, my love for fashion.
You really don’t need to take up every challenge life throws at you. Why drive through a road full of zombies when you can just take another one? #thewalkingdead
And no, the other road is not easier. I’m losing money and my brand is not getting visibility, even if it is, there is no sales conversion. I’m not expecting overnight success but hey, it’s better than driving through a road of zombies and getting mauled, bitten and turning into one. At least I can still live (off my fiancé) driving through this road.
Anyone who tells you that chasing your dreams can get you very far is an idiot. Don’t listen to them because I’m still swimming in a sea of nothing. BUT listen to yourself, if it feels right, it probably is right. Don’t take shit from others because you don’t deserve that.
XOXOXO
Mingzkingz (aka Mother Bambee)
MOTHER BAMBEE 